ADHD and Perfectionism: Why Saying “I’m Fine” Hides Your True Struggle
Written by: Anna Enfield, M.A.
If you have ADHD and perfectionism, you may find yourself saying “I’m fine” even when you’re struggling. This pattern is common and affects emotional honesty, self-awareness, and mental well-being. Understanding the intersection of ADHD and perfectionism is the first step to breaking this cycle.
The ADHD + Perfectionism Connection
ADHD often brings emotional intensity, distractibility, and difficulty regulating feelings. Perfectionism adds high internal standards, fear of failure, and self-criticism. Together, they create a tendency to deny distress and default to “I’m fine,” even when it isn’t true.
How These Traits Interact
Emotional Intensity + Self-Critique: Feeling overwhelmed while judging yourself for “not handling it.”
Impulsivity + Fear of Mistakes: Acting or speaking before processing, while worrying about appearing flawed.
Avoidance + High Standards: Denying distress to maintain a sense of control or competence.
Why People With ADHD and Perfectionism Say “I’m Fine”
Common reasons include:
Conflict Avoidance: Avoiding arguments or criticism.
Internalized Perfectionism: Feeling struggle equals failure.
Denial as a Coping Tool: Suppressing feelings to manage overwhelm.
Learned Childhood Patterns: Growing up in environments where emotions were minimized.
When Denying Distress Is Helpful—and When It Isn’t
Helpful:
Maintaining professional boundaries
Protecting privacy in stressful situations
Harmful:
Safety is at risk for self or others
Chronic avoidance blocks self-awareness and emotional growth
It prevents meaningful connections with others
Learn more about our ADHD therapy services at Inner Wave Therapy.
Strategies for Emotional Honesty With ADHD + Perfectionism
Notice Your Feelings
Track emotions using journaling, mindfulness, or body scans. ADHD can make emotions feel chaotic; perfectionism may label them wrong.
Name It Without Judgment
Use statements like “I feel frustrated” or “I’m overwhelmed”—not as failure, but as awareness.
Start Small With Sharing
Practice honesty in safe spaces or with trusted people first.
Reframe Strength
Emotional honesty is resilience, not weakness.
Celebrate Wins
Every acknowledgment of discomfort weakens the ADHD + perfectionism denial cycle.
Why Emotional Honesty Matters
Emotional denial can feel automatic for those with ADHD and perfectionism, but being honest with yourself and others improves:
Self-awareness and insight
Relationship quality and intimacy
Mental health and emotional regulation
Ability to break the cycle of denial
Final Thoughts
ADHD and perfectionism often intersect to create patterns of emotional denial.
Saying “I’m fine” is understandable but can prevent growth and connection.
Small steps toward emotional honesty are a form of strength.
You don’t have to be perfectly okay to be strong. Acknowledge your feelings, embrace authenticity, and take small steps toward emotional honesty for a more fulfilling life. At Inner Wave Therapy, we support people in building these skills every day.
Schedule a consultation with us to learn how we can support you.
Raising Emotionally Resilient Kids with ADHD:
10 Powerful Phrases Parents Can Use
Written by: Thomas Flanagan, M.A.
Parenting a child with ADHD can feel like navigating daily ups and downs—big feelings, impulsive reactions, and challenges with focus or frustration. But one of the greatest gifts you can give your child is emotional resilience: the ability to bounce back, regulate emotions, and keep trying when things get tough.
What Emotional Resilience Looks Like in Kids with ADHD
Resilience isn’t about never crying or losing your temper—it’s about recovering and learning. For kids with ADHD, that might look like:
Regrouping after setbacks (like homework struggles).
Naming and sharing feelings instead of acting out.
Brainstorming solutions and asking for help.
Showing empathy, even when emotions run high.
Believing mistakes are chances to grow.
Why Emotional Resilience Matters for Children with ADHD
Kids with ADHD often feel emotions intensely, which can leave them discouraged or overwhelmed. Building resilience helps protect their mental health, strengthen friendships, and boost motivation. Research even shows that naming feelings helps the brain calm down and that praising effort over ability builds persistence.
Protects Mental Health
Builds Motivation & Growth Mindset
Strengthens Relationships
Supports Adaptability
Learn more about our ADHD therapy services at Inner Wave Therapy.
10 Phrases That Foster Emotional Resilience in Kids with ADHD
Try weaving these into daily life:
“I believe you.” – Builds trust and openness.
“It’s okay to make mistakes.” – Normalizes imperfection.
“What can we learn from this?” – Encourages growth.
“Let’s figure this out together.” – Offers support without taking over.
“How does that make you feel?” – Builds emotional vocabulary.
“Your effort really made a difference.” – Reinforces persistence.
“It’s hard—and you can do hard things.” – Fosters confidence.
“Take a breath; let’s start small.” – Teaches regulation and problem-solving.
“Would you like help, or do you want to try first?” – Balances autonomy and support.
“Feelings come and go; I’m right here.” – Normalizes emotions and provides safety.
Phrases to Avoid (and What to Say Instead)
Some common phrases undermine resilience, especially for kids with ADHD:
“Stop crying, you’re fine.” → Try: “I see you’re upset. Do you want a hug or a break?”
“Because I said so.” → Try: “Here’s why. Let’s talk about when it might work.”
“Don’t be so sensitive.” → Try: “That really bothered you. What might help right now?”
“You know better than that.” → Try: “What happened, and what can you do differently next time?”
Final Thoughts
Resilience grows in everyday moments—bedtime talks, car rides, even homework battles. For children with ADHD, the words you choose can turn challenges into stepping stones toward confidence and flexibility. At Inner Wave Therapy, we support families in building these skills every day.
Schedule a consultation with us to learn how we can support your child.